Yes, sports fans, it will soon be Kflembeauski time here in the flatlands, and this year there WILL BE a tournament.That’s right, The Championship of the Universe will take place in the Toledo Ohio area on July 21st. It’s been some three years in the making, but it finally seems all KFBGA members have been notified and with one possible exception (I SINCERELY hope not, but what happens – happens) all seem read to compete.
In addition, Dale Tornes, a relative by way of Marge’s cousin Carole, has graciously agreed to give us all a brief tutorial and join the tourney. In view of the lack of acceptance by Tiger (a conflicting event) and Jack Nicklaus ( who no longer competes in tournaments), Dale will represent the rest of the universe. ET, as you know, is unable to use equipment designed for humans – our only restriction on entry. (I had considered asking my friend Dudley to join us, but his rather “filterless” antics on the course might be viewed dimly by both course management and other golfers alike.)
There are, of course, details to be worked out. Location is at the top of that list, and I look to local experts Dan, Daniel and Adam to put their heads together and pick just the right (hopefully forgiving) course on which to stage the great event. Tee times can then be set. Also, although I’d like to host the association festivities afterwards, my apartment is much too small for such a crowd. I will again look to Dan and Adam to decide to post-round venue, and offer whoever hosts access to Grammie’s baked beans and Papa’s sloppy Joes if they are wanted or needed. Out of town players are welcome to contact the local member of their choice for accommodations for overnight stays. And for those who wonder about the type of course we have to choose from, simply print out a copy of this post, turn it over, and you will be looking at a topographical map of the Toledo are. If you have a choice of terrain for your particular game, by all means pick an area of the map that best suits your needs.
Finally, I’d like to remind all (except a certain overly well-developed athlete who quite unfairly makes us all look foolish and has kept the coveted Kflembeauski Cup for FAR too long) we HAVE to figure out a way to rattle Cory enough to beat him! Remember: refer to him as “Woody”, make jokes about tattoos, comment on guys who wear those silky shorts everywhere, anything to distract him. (Sorry, Cory, it had to be said!)
Finally, good luck to all in the tourney – yes, even Cory. And keep in mind that papa is old and racked with arthritis and probably deserves some kind of special break.