I’m a failure, of sorts. I promised myself I would not discuss politics or religion in this forum, but I can’t sit closed-mouthed and ignore the universe around me. Luckily, I can keep the old trap shut and recount a conversation I recently had with my old friend Dudley. Dud (as I call him) is never at a loss for wind or words, and he’ll tell you what he thinks whether you ask or not.
“I have nobody to vote for!” he exclaimed when I saw him. “there’s no one running, in either party, that I can really say I’d trust in the White House. I’d write in my own name, but nobody important even knows the old Dudster, and I’d feel I threw it away. Voting’s an important thing.”
Dud looked dead serious, so I tried to encourage him a little. “Look”, I said, “there HAS to be somebody in one of the races you could live with!” “Nope,” he said. “Nobody. Hell, just look at the five or six with the best support!” He proceeded to run them off, one by one:
“First there’s Trump: He’s been ‘the boss’ in his own world for so long he believes it! He lives as the man at the top, with EVERY one he talks to owing him their job. However ridiculous, every word he says is treated as profound and sacred. Old Donald has had his head up his own butt for so long he thinks the sky is coffee-colored, and the person meant to rule is the guy who owns the biggest storehouse of ‘Charmin’, which he has the money to assure is none other than Donald Trump.” (I love it when Dud gets fired up. He can really get on a roll.)
“Ted Cruz is a little more rational, but he still scares the hell out of me. I admire his religious principles, but I don’t feel he would be able to separate his religious views from the needs of the government. If a true conflict shows up, I can see Cruz quoting scripture and acting contrary to the national interests. That, and he seems convinced that his conservative view is the ONLY view, period. Democracy is essentially an exercise in compromise between one view and another. Cruz sure seems to think there IS no other point of view.” (That entire statement was odd, because Dud has never been serious for an entire paragraph in his life.)
“Marco Rubio”, he continued, “is a bright, good looking young man who’s also convinced he has all the answers.” “but aren’t ALL candidates convinced of that?” I asked. “It seems to me that would be a prerequisite for elective office.”
“Oh, you’re right about that,” he said, “But Marco hasn’t had nearly the experience needed to be right on a presidential level. I know he doesn’t see it, but then that’s the proof of the pudding: He doesn’t see it ’cause he’s inexperienced.”
“But now,” he marched on, “I can’t wait to cross that aisle! Hilary has been running for the job since Obama took his second oath of office. She and Bill decided eons ago that stonewalling was the way to face down a problem, and she’s still doing it. You’d think that if the Lewinski thing didn’t show them that doesn’t work, they’d have at least noticed it didn’t do them much good during the USS Cole hearings. I just can’t decide if it’s her dogged sticking to a failed strategy or her obvious unfamiliarity with the word “truth” that bugs me the most” (I’ve cleaned that up a little: As I said, Dud tends to get fired up a bit.)
“Finally, there’s Bernie.” For the first time since he started, Dud was smiling. “Poor Bernie,” he said. “He’s probably got a closet full of bell-bottomed jeans and chambray shirts all packed and waiting to start the new era in the White House. The guy actually IS a socialist, even though socialism failed everywhere it was tried and has gone the way of Soviet communism. Besides, remember what I said about democracy and compromise: No Republican OR Democrat elected in this country could ever HOPE to get re-elected to any position in the U.S. Congress if he dared to consider or support any legislation proposed or supported by a socialist. That could no more happen than if I ask Trump to hire my gay cousin Julio as his personal secretary.” (I’ve seen Julio, and he’s definitely NOT a gorgeous 20-something female.)
“No,” he concluded, “I’m going to have to blow off the primary, and write in either Opus or Aunt Jemima in the general election.” Personally, I hope he picks Opus, ’cause that’ll make at least two of us.